The Transfiguration

everything is sacred

Capsule of the Day #1659

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Capsule of the Day #1659

Are these jasmine? I do such a poor job of linking names to flowers; if we hadn’t grown a little jasmine vine in Santa Cruz, I wouldn’t have had the slightest idea what to call this.

I went out on a walk this afternoon, just for the sake of being outdoors, and eventually walked into the aromatic cloud flowing from these flowers. It brought me to a full stop, and it took me a moment to understand why – or, at least, to manufacture an explanation.

Michelle always had a certain scent that was uniquely hers. I never mentioned it, never asked about it; I must have assumed it was some mild superpower she possessed, though it was likely just some hair product she liked. Her whole being was bundled up in that scent, and whenever I caught a trace of it, a little glowing knot would form in my stomach, excitement and admiration wrapped together with nervous tension and anxiety.

It’s been several years since I’ve seen her, but there are still enough memories tied to that scent that I felt a little knot today when I stood among these flowers.

I don’t miss Michelle. There were plenty of problems with our relationship, and it’s good that we broke up when we did. But there was good there, too, and without her influence I would have become a completely different person. Before her stubborn courtship pried me out of my shell, I didn’t know how to be affectionate; she was warm and flirtatious and I was baffled by her overwhelming presence. She was absolutely insistent that I kiss her first, and patient enough to let me push through all my doubts and reservations.

She read me stories like The Little Prince and Tales of Adam, and her voice made every word feel sacred.

She loved animals and reminded me why I loved them too.

She told me how electron orbitals worked, and rekindled my interest in science. I was, before then, fully intent on discovering the greatest secrets of the universe by merely thinking and writing; without Michelle I would have missed out on so much of the natural world, and the incredible things we’ve come to understand about it.

Michelle is a keystone in my life, one of those pivotal people who drastically shaped who I became, and I cannot imagine what I would be like today without her.

When we were together I picked up some of her mannerisms, and I still carry them with me; they may be a part of me forever.

You have people who were important in your life, who loved you and helped you grow, and I hope you remember them kindly.

I wonder, now and then, what Michelle’s up to, but I’ve never made the effort to ask. Our lives may never cross again, and that’s fine, but I’m still thankful for her.

kono mama zutto

Written by Umbrella Man

April 8, 2013 at 2:37 am

Posted in flowers, plants, ruminations

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