The Transfiguration

everything is sacred

Posts Tagged ‘patrick

Farewell of the Day #1378

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Lauren and I quietly packed up the last of our things, loaded up our respective vans, gave our last hugs and left for the trip back to our hometowns. Anna is the sole remnant of our Santa Cruz home; it’s a fortunate thing that she has Patrick to help ward off loneliness.

We lived in this house for two years. It was the first time we made a home for ourselves – something independent from family and unbridled by school regulations – and it really had a sense of belonging that I haven’t felt elsewhere for a long time.

Returning to Berkeley now feels strange and alien; even the tone of the pavement and the taste of the atmosphere are somehow off. Moving through it makes old feelings and uncertainties bleed through, as if my personality could be defined by place. It will certainly start to feel like home again if I stay long enough, but I don’t know if I should.

Still, it’s good to see my dad and my old friends again, and I love how easily we can click together even after time apart.

It still doesn’t feel quite real.

This will be a strange phase in life. We’ll see how it goes.

where was my fault

Written by Umbrella Man

July 1, 2012 at 12:43 am

Posted in friends, people, places

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Infinity of the Day #1377

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We spent the day dismantling the spirit of our home and replacing it with a friendly, neutral facade to greet the next tenants. The blanket fort and the rainclouds are gone; the tabletop collage has been teased apart and placed into proto-scrapbook piles; the stars in my ceiling have all fallen; Emily’s silhouette creatures have all left the walls, leaving the rooms blank and colorless.

We went one more time to the beach to bid it farewell; we had one last bonfire, coaxing the logs into flame with the help of a library of junk mail; we baked our last batch of cookie-cake and savored our final shared dessert.

It’s so sad to be leaving after all this time together. I wish we could have had our whole household together tonight, but goodbyes are never as satisfying as we’d like them to be, anyway.

With a burning slice of Anna’s broken garden frame, Patrick etched out infinity in the air.

There is, of course, this wish that we could stay a household forever – a wish similar to when we went through our first diaspora after high school. This is an endless cycle, perhaps; we will scatter again, meet new friends, grow close and be forced to scatter once more. It’s never easy.

But good things may come of it, and there’s no reason for us to lose contact with each other. Distance is nothing, and we can always meet again to celebrate each other and to show how we’ve changed.

I was a cartographer

Written by Umbrella Man

June 30, 2012 at 3:09 am

Posted in friends, light, people

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Vertigo of the Day #1376

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I really don’t find heights the least bit frightening, especially when firmly anchored by a friend, but my camera apparently was terrified when it looked down from the summit of the first wall I climbed today. This acrophobic image must suffice, though, as I couldn’t take photos while belaying and Anna took care of the camera after this ascent.

It’s been such a long time since I went climbing, and it felt fantastic to finally return to it. Every wall feels like a puzzle, taking careful steps in the right order and with the right balance, learning to apply force at just the right angle to generate the friction needed to push myself just a little higher.

My third climb was up a wall tilted against me, so nothing but my grip kept me from slipping away. Within a few minutes the puppet strings in my wrists were worn away, and I repeatedly lost my hold and swung away from the wall, flailing for a few moments in the empty air. I abandoned my pride and switched to an easier path to the top, and when I reached the ground again my hands were comatose in a way I hadn’t felt in years. It’s a satisfying feeling – a vibrant reminder that I live in a tangible body.

These wrists may burn tomorrow, but it was worth it. Hopefully I can find someone to climb with back in Berkeley.

come down now, they’ll say

Written by Umbrella Man

June 29, 2012 at 2:20 am

Roost of the Day #1350

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I’m feeling a little inarticulate this evening; I don’t think I could properly say how I’m feeling. There’s a lightness to it – almost an electrostatic that holds me by the chest and helps me float to and fro.

For my birthday we went to Pigeon Point, where the sand comes in dozens of colors and is just coarse enough to massage your toes as your weight sinks through it. We waded through cold waters and smooth stones to make our way here, where the rocks beckon us to climb their intricate wrinkles.

I worked my way across the cliffs barefoot, feeling each crack with careful steps. It’s so good to feel the earth like that.

More important than the rocks and waves, though, are the wonderful people with whom I went exploring. They are absolutely brilliant, and I can’t say how happy I am to glow with them.

My housemates all put a huge amount of effort into planning and decorating for today, and I love them for it.

Thanks for being in my life, everyone.

the only moment we were alone

Written by Umbrella Man

June 3, 2012 at 1:55 am

Intermission of the Day #1314

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Before the end of the year, it’s imperative that we watch the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy – extended edition, of course. It is also an imperative that we finish the eight pounds of popcorn we bought, and there is a very happy intersection of interests here. So after disk 1 of Fellowship of the Ring, we stopped to recover and prepare snacks for the rest of the [beginning of] the journey. We used a little too much oil and threw a bit of popcorn around the kitchen; it was a good moment.

This is the first time I watched this movie all the way through while giving it my full attention; I had difficulty following it in theaters. Getting to understand and appreciate the characters properly makes it worth the revisit. There are layers and layers of worldbuilding involved in this story, though, and Paul, Pearce and Anna are still noticing new things despite having the film nearly memorized. Few stories can really offer that sort of depth, but it’s wonderful when you can find it.

may it be

Written by Umbrella Man

April 28, 2012 at 2:52 am

Goodbye of the Day #1309

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Of course, we didn’t visit Davis just for plants and rocks. One can’t forget the human element.

Anna was curious about what it would be like for the Santa Cruz wing of her life to intersect with Davis, as when my Berkeley friends visited UCSC. With the heat of Picnic Day and various obligations holding everyone down, Lauren and I didn’t get to socialize much with Anna and Patrick’s friends, but we had some good moments.

Patrick’s roommate speaks just like Patrick, in tone and diction and rhythm, to the extent that I have difficulty telling them apart without looking.

Last night two of Patrick’s friends, both with warm smiles, shared two small memories, and they seem like kind people.

But Patrick and Anna had to say goodbye again, after such a short weekend. These goodbyes are difficult, but distance keeps the heart beating. There’s nothing like being reunited with your love after time apart.

come out of the cave walking on your hands

Written by Umbrella Man

April 22, 2012 at 11:16 pm

Posted in friends, people

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Mountain of the Day #1245

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A week or so ago I dreamed that my housemates and I were traveling across the country on a single horse. A train shot cannonballs at us, and we ate so much candy that sugar crystals started to form under our skin.

Last night I dreamed my housemates wanted to climb a mountain, but it looked more like a hill to me.

To solidify the dream, Anna said to me, “Let’s climb the mountain, Kevin!” as we approached this hill on our hike. After taking this photo I raced up the slope, and the rocks higher up started to feel very much like the rocks from the dream hill. Despite appearances, the path kept rising after this, and it soon seemed like we were in fact climbing a mountain.

Some aimless wandering finally lead us out of the woods, and we followed a precarious road back toward campus. We happened upon the entrance to the Porter Caves, and since Lauren and I had brought our headlamps on a whim, we felt well enough prepared to explore.

The floods that stopped our previous spelunking attempt had receded, though they had washed away the clay sculptures of lore. The caves were thus left with a rather organic feel, with stalactites slowly growing back and a great stone heart in the largest room within. At the end of the caves we found a pool filled with clear water, flowing almost imperceptibly. When we touched it ripples danced and bounced across the sides of the pool, and by the glow of our headlamps it looked almost iridescent.

We met a pair of brilliant photographers down there, and I think they captured the place much better than I did.

After a brief tick scare we finished our adventure by climbing the Sunset Tree, which we haven’t visited in more than two years. The lower limbs were smoothed by the hands of countless climbers, and working my way to the rougher top branches felt so gratifying.

Today was so good! I haven’t ventured out like this in so long, and never had the opportunity to do so much in a single day. I’d give my whole life to explorations like these, if I had a few extra lives.

There is just so much to do.

these things happen day after day

Written by Umbrella Man

February 19, 2012 at 1:07 am